Phoenix

Not the city. The mythical bird. I have arised from the ashes of this blog and my busy life to make a post about something I feel particularly strongly about.

Fat shaming.

Like many women, I have had a roller coaster relationship with my weight for. . . well, forever. But particularly the last four years or so. Gain some, lose some. Happy. Sad. You know what I'm talking about. I'd get into a really good trend of going to the gym only to lose interest in the elliptical or the bike or the treadmill or whatever piece of equipment I was using. . . even outdoor running. Snore. As I've gotten older (30 is rapidly approaching and I'm *NOT* excited about it!), I've noticed that my diet doesn't really matter. In the end, my body responds best with exercise. Even if I eat utter crap, I look and feel better (and lose more weight and keep it off more successfully) when I'm exercising.

After watching numerous infomercials about Zumba, I decided to give it a try. For those who aren't familiar, it's a dance fitness program based on Latin American and other international music: some types include merengue, cumbia, salsa, Bollywood, reggaeton, and others. I thought about going somewhere to pay for the class, but my luck improved when the law school gym started offering the class this fall. I've been a regular attendee on Wednesday afternoons and have loved my instructor Kerry, who is super enthusiastic and friendly. Plus, the class has been awesome. I should have known that my competitive and social nature would make group exercise classes what I should be doing. After all, having other people there keeps me in check and makes me accountable when I get tired and I'll be damned if I look like an idiot in front of other people. Plus, I used to take dance when I was younger, so this just reminds me of what I was so good at.

Today my instructor Kerry was on vacation so she had a substitute named Seth. I was running late to class because the person I'm tutoring for the LSAT was late (ugh, the bane of my existence right now, but the extra chunk of money I make weekly is nice) and when I got to the gym, I found out they were out of class passes for the first time I've gone this semester. Fuck. I go up to class anyway and it turns out that Seth is apparently a stickler for the class pass. Double fuck. And he turns me away from class because of the rules, even though part of my plea included the fact that I take the class every week. Fine, whatever, I'm a future lawyer so I guess I'm somewhat rule abiding. I go to leave and a guy who was in the class offered to give up his space because 1) he was the only guy in there anyway, and 2) he knows I take the class weekly and he didn't mind giving it up for me because he respects my hustle. This guy is on my Christmas list.

I put my stuff down and Seth turns off the mic and kind of says to me in a hushed tone, "Umm, have you ever taken this class before?" while looking me up and down like he didn't think I could handle it.

Fat shaming. Awesome. I stood there for a second trying to decide if I was going to cry or punch him in the face. Luckily I did neither and simply offered a frosty "Yes, I have." You know, damned if I do go to the gym (and have skinny, peppy fuckers judge me) and damned if I don't (and have skinny, peppy fuckers judge me).

I Bollywooded and cumbia'd and salsa'd my way through class with probably more gusto and enthusiasm than ever before, simply to prove a point. At the end when I was leaving, he asked me if I had a good time. I could have been passive-aggressive and just complained about him later, but I decided to let him know.

"The class was fine, but to be honest, I'd probably never take a class with you again. You fat shamed when I came into class and I didn't appreciate it." I've never once before called someone out on it, but it needed to be said. I am so sick and tired of people expecting less from me because of my weight. His first excuse was that he turned off the mic when he initially asked me, but as I told him, I'd already explained that I come to this class weekly and so I didn't appreciate him calling me out when, out of everyone in that full room, I was one of only about 5 people who regularly attends that class. In the end he apologized and told me that I did such a great job today (um duh, just because I'm overweight, it doesn't mean I'm lazy, stupid, or lack rhythm, drive, or intensity...just look at my Crimson Law shirt!) and I accepted his apology and left.

For a while I considered not coming back to the class again or just leaving class early because I felt completely degraded, but I decided not to let Seth take away the one thing in my week that I truly look forward to. So yes, this experience inspired me to come to the library and immediately write this blog post instead of editing the article for the journal I'm on or reading for my class tomorrow. I know that you, my friends, would never fat shame someone, but I hope that you would all be sensitive to it and call others out when they do so.

*drops the mic*

Resolutions Revisited

Well, I didn't make a New Year's resolution because I don't think they work for me. Instead I decided to just continue in being successful in the goals I've set for myself. Much like 2 years ago when I was happy that I was ending the year smaller than I started, I was happy that I ended this past year smaller than I started. I didn't make the progress I wanted, but it made me smile when a dear friend noticed my progress at a happy hour event pre-leaving LA. But I needed to get back to the gym. I don't even want to talk about the amazing dinners I made during the holidays, but let's just say that between the gourmet dinners and decadent desserts, combined with the snow on the ground, I was not as active as I'd hoped.

I found out there's a school gym about a block from my apartment so now it's going to be my fall back if I don't use the one on campus. Now there are no excuses because instead of a 20 minute walk from home, this place is a block away. Added bonus: the gym was fairly empty because the undergrads aren't back yet, so instead of trying to package my workout into a stupid half hour time slot, I was able to take my time. That I actually manage to hang on for 45 minutes was a miracle of the iPod. Praise be to Pat Benetar, Britney Spears (Circus album), and Soulja Boy...and to fab people who have previously gifted me iTunes giftcards :)

Ooh, and I bought myself another Christmas present!



I'm trying to make sure I am maximizing my progress, so what better way to help me keep track of calories in and calories out. If it works for the Biggest Loser folks, then it could work for me (notwithstanding the whole, ya know, 8 hours of working out per day).


PS: For the gym rats, don't be assholes to the people who did make resolutions and are in the gym. Yeah, I know it sucks when you have to wait to use a machine, but if they want to make a change, you should be happy for them.

Just Workin' on My Fitness

One of the things that many of my classmates have complained about is that in law school, like undergrad, they are starting to put on weight. Maybe it speaks to how sedentary the lifestyle is in LA's car culture, but I haven't had that issue. If anything, I lost a little from always walking around. Even still, I wanted to make a return to the gym. We canceled our gym membership back in LA when money was tight and I was looking forward to going back during the school year when it was "free" (and by "free" I mean, I paid $45 large for it).

Before the semester started, I made a sweet little Excel chart for my week -- on Mondays and Tuesdays when class started at 10, I'd go to the gym in the morning. On Wednesdays, I'd go after my last class. On Thursday and Friday, I'd go between classes. It was a good plan, too...until I stepped foot on campus, got into my first week of classes, and realized I'd underestimated how much time I'd need to read. I kept promising myself that once I got a handle on the reading, I'd go to the gym...next week. Then it was the week after. Then a month passed and I still hadn't gone. Then I started to psych myself out and feel intimidated -- after all, it was halfway through the semester and I was probably the only person who had never set foot in the gym. I would do some pilates at home, but then I realized that I missed doing a cardio routine.

I finally decided this week to nip it in the bud. I texted two of my school friends and told them we had an appointment at the gym after Property class. Incidentally, two was smart because one forgot her gym clothes and by the time she'd go home to get them and come back, we'd be long done. I roped another friend into going today too so there were three of us powerful women in a line on the elliptical. The elliptical is fucking intimidating. I always feel like a clumsy dork when I use it but I think I was a pretty good poseur today. I did a good half hour on the machine (stupid time limits) and felt very refreshed. And, of course, I'm proud of myself because my goal was to go today and I did it. It only gets better from here!